The Circle of Control

sjholisticyoga
6 days ago
4 min read

What Is It?

The Circle of Control is a reflective tool that helps us make peace with what we cannot change, and act wisely within what we can. It's a practice of discernment—dividing the world into three spheres:

What you can control
What you can influence
What you cannot control or influence

Stephen R. Covey widely popularised this model in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989), yet its roots reach much further back to the Stoics, Buddhists and Yogis.

The Yogic Foundation

In Bhagavad Gītā 2.47, Krishna teaches:

“You have a right to your actions, but never to your fruits.”(Karmanye vadhikaraste, ma phaleshou kada chana)

This verse holds the heart of the yogic circle of control: we can act with awareness, love, and responsibility, but we cannot grasp the outcome. The Gītā teaches us to act without attachment.

Similarly, Patañjali’s Yoga Sutras teach the path of abhyāsa (consistent practice) and vairāgya (non-attachment). The yogi cultivates a steady mind not by controlling the world, but by turning inward and mastering their response to it.

Three Circles, Yogically Seen

Inner Circle – What I Can Control
My thoughts, my breath, my intentions, my practice.
This is the space of svadhyāya (self-study), tapas (inner discipline), and ahimsā (non-violence toward the self and others). We return here again and again in practice—on the mat and in life.
Middle Circle – What I Can Influence
How I speak, how I hold space, how I model presence.
Like the ripple of breath in the body, our presence can be felt beyond us—but we must remember, we do not control how others receive it. This is the space of seva (sacred service), offered without ego.
Outer Circle – What I Cannot Control
Other people’s choices, the outcome, the past, the pace of healing.
Here we meet Ishvarapranidhāna—surrender. Not giving up, but laying down the burden of control. Trusting life’s rhythm. This is where peace begins.

An example

In Practice: Yoga, Stoicism, and the Circle

When your mind spins in worry or helplessness, sit quietly. Breathe into the body. Ask gently: What is mine to hold? And what is not?

On the mat, we practice this with every posture. We meet discomfort, but we do not fight the body. We guide the breath, but not the outcome. We learn to respond, not react. This is both a Stoic and a yogic act.

The Gift

Whether you name it Ishvara or the Tao, the Universe or simply Life, there is wisdom in stepping back from the illusion of control. Both Stoicism and Yoga teach:

Freedom is not in controlling the world, but in mastering the self within it.

How to Use The Circle of Control

You can download the worksheet below to use as a reflective tool to help you gently sort your thoughts and emotions during challenging situations. It helps you focus your energy on what is truly yours to tend.

1. Centre yourself.Take a few slow breaths. Notice how the situation feels in your body and mind.

2. Name the situation.Write a brief sentence about what’s on your heart. (e.g. My friend is struggling at work and I’m worried about her.)

3. Use the circles to reflect.

In the inner circle, write what you can control (your thoughts, words, actions, boundaries).
In the middle circle, write what you can influence (your support, encouragement, suggestions).
In the outer circle, write what is out of your control (her choices, the workplace, the outcome).

4. Sit with what you see.Notice where your energy has been going. Can you release what’s in the outer circle, and bring more care to what is within?

This practice invites you back to calm, choice, and presence. You might come back to it often, like a breath—each time, finding your way home to what is truly yours to hold.

So as you walk the path of discernment—between what is yours to carry and what is not—may you be guided by these timeless words from different traditions, each echoing the same truth.

The Serenity Prayer (Reinhold Niebuhr)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Let this be your quiet compass when the heart is stormy. When you're unsure whether to speak, to act, or simply to hold space, return to this prayer. Let it whisper to you the shape of your next right step.

The Guest House (Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī)

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.